


Every Second

by Wagnetic



Category: due South
Genre: Angst, Episode: Mountie and Soul, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 03:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7960885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wagnetic/pseuds/Wagnetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray tries to figure out why Fraser let him fight alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Second

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arwyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwyn/gifts), [HereEatThisKitten](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HereEatThisKitten/gifts).



> For Arwyn, HereEatThisKitten, and their love of mean!Fraser.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

Ray lies down and counts the seconds. God, the clock is loud. He hurts all over from his fight with Mason. Damn if he didn’t try, but he’s not as good as he used to be, and he wasn’t great to begin with. Not that he was bad, exactly, but he was never going to be great. He could have kept boxing after Stella asked him not to. She wouldn’t have liked it, but she wouldn’t have stopped him either. Now he thinks he might have been looking for an out the whole time.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

And Fraser didn’t help. Why didn’t Fraser help? What did Ray do to deserve that? Sure, Fraser’s not always as nice as he pretends to be, but he doesn’t refuse to back Ray up. Ray wants to believe that Fraser thought he needed it for his “mental and spiritual quest.” He wants to believe that so much, but… He just doesn’t.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

So what did he do? What was so bad that his friend, his _partner_ , would make him fight alone?

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

He closes his eyes and tries to focus on his bruises and sore muscles. It hurts when he takes a deep breath before he lets out a sigh. It hurts when he turns over. He’s got ibuprofen lying around somewhere, but no way he’s going to take it.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick._

It’s just a matter of time, he thinks, he _knows_ , before Fraser leaves.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Maybe Fraser saw how he wasn’t comfortable in the locker room and put two and two together. Plenty of guys have plenty of reasons to be uncomfortable. Sometimes they’re just… shy or something. But Fraser’s smart. He’s pretty sure Fraser’s caught him staring before.

Maybe he saw what Ray was thinking when Fraser said, “I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better,” and it grossed him out. Ray doesn’t think Fraser’s a homophobe— queerphobe? —whatever, but it’s one thing to have a partner who’s into other guys, and another thing to have a partner who’s into _you_. Fraser’s got enough people falling all over him already, and he hates it.

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Ray could ask. He could say, “Fraser, my friend, does it bother you that I think you’re the most beautiful guy in the world? That you’re the bravest, most generous person I know? That I love you even when you’re the bitchiest guy on the planet? That I dream about kissing you? Does that bother you?”

And then what? What would Fraser possibly have to say to that? Probably some Inuit story that meant “Yes, Ray. Frankly, the way you look at me makes me profoundly uncomfortable and I wish you’d never do it again.” Yeah, Ray would never be able to face that.

_Tick. Tick._

If Fraser isn’t going to bring it up, neither is Ray. He’ll just try harder to keep his eyes off Fraser, and he’ll watch what he says and make sure he doesn’t slip a double entendre or two in there. He’ll try and leave some distance between them and not squeeze up close to Fraser any chance he gets.

It’s never going to work. If there’s one thing Ray’s bad at (and hah! if only there wasn’t a million things Ray was bad at), it’s giving space to the people he loves. Just ask Stella. Just ask anyone who’s ever seen him anywhere near Stella.

_Tick._

Well, he’ll do his best, and he’ll treasure every second. He’ll store up the memories for when Fraser goes. He’ll try and forget Fraser watching him from outside the ring and remember how he climbed in after and held up Ray’s arm like he was some kind of champion. He’ll try and remember that once Fraser thought Ray was a good, brave man and that for a while, Ray almost thought so too.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bacon on a Leash](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8360725) by [DesireeArmfeldt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldt)




End file.
